Child Support Court

Single Mom here, checking in again. 

It’s now 2:08am and I am still awake watching TV and playing a game of Texas Hold ’em Poker on my cell phone.  I am not always totally in touch with my feelings.  Often times I need to take some time to digest what happened, then analyze what I’m feeling. 

Yesterday, Tyler’s father and I were scheduled to appear in Family Court a.k.a. Child Support Court for an enforcement hearing.  I was there but he didn’t bother to show up.  That has been the story of Tyler’s life…. I’m there and his father is not.  The only thing that I can say to the man’s credit is that, after being totally absent since Tyler’s 2nd birthday, he called and has been seeing Tyler since some time in September.  Either two or three times Tyler has spent the night with him.   One night, not the weekend.  Really sad to have to say that he lives with his mom. 

Without delving too deep into all the things that has pissed me off about that man, elaborating more about all the crappy details of his life, explaining how having such a loser as my sons’ father is, citing the billions of incidents where Tyler and I would be better off if his father did help financially, that he did have a job when I dated him, or exactly how I feel now,  I somehow think that you know just what I mean. 

Other single parents with absent co-parents personally know all the issues we handle alone, least of all the issue of balancing time and money.  Single parents with a co-parent and couples personally feel some of it, but, I am sure that since you know all the things a parent is responsible for, you can imagine if the burden rested solely on your shoulders.  My child is not a burden but worrying about finding a job to make enough money to support us because I probably won’t ever have reliable help,  school clothes, winter coat, boots, a roof over our head, food on the table, keeping the house clean, clothes washed, cable, telephone, gas, electric, a vehicle maintained in good condition, auto insurance, extra curricular activities, stressing education… all of those things add a huge weight to my shoulders.  The weight is so much heavier than when I was single because now my sons’ life depends on it. 

Tuesday night when we were doing our normal routine of reading books before bedtime, Tyler said the most amazingly intuitive thing.  He’s only three but he understands on his level.  At the last pages of the book Goldilocks and the Three Bears where it says that Goldilocks was so scared she ran all the way home, it shows the three bears standing in the living room by their front door.  Flanking the door are family pictures.  Tyler likes to say who is in each picture.  He says that he is Baby Bear.  Of course I am Mama Bear.  But Tuesday night, my intuitive little three year old pointed to Mama Bear and said that’s you, then pointed to Papa bear and told me that was me too. 

in·tu·i·tive  /ɪnˈtuɪtɪv, -ˈtyu-/    [in-too-i-tiv, –tyoo–]   –adjective

1. perceiving by intuition, as a person or the mind.

2. perceived by, resulting from, or involving intuition: intuitive knowledge.

3. having or possessing intuition: an intuitive person.

4. capable of being perceived or known by intuition.

 

in·tu·i·tion  /ˌɪntuˈɪʃən, -tyu-/ [in-too-ish–uhn, -tyoo-]    noun

1.  direct perception of truth, fact, etc., independent of any reasoning process; immediate apprehension.

2.  a fact, truth, etc., perceived in this way.

3.  a keen and quick insight.

4.  the quality or ability of having such direct perception or quick insight.

5. Philosophy .

a. an immediate cognition of an object not inferred or determined by a previous cognition of the same object.

b. any object or truth so discerned.

c. pure, untaught, noninferential knowledge.

6. Linguistics . the ability of the native speaker to make linguistic judgments, as of the grammaticality, ambiguity, equivalence, or nonequivalence of sentences, deriving from the speaker’s native-language competence.

 

Related Articles

• “Worst Deadbeat Dad Ever: Father Of 23 Children By 14 Different Mothers Jailed For Failure To Pay Over 500K In Child Support!!!” and related posts (bossip.com)
• Mel to Oksana — Relax, You’ll Get Your Money (tmz.com)
• Kerkorian to pay $10M+ in back child support (abclocal.go.com)

Black People’s Blues

Single mom here, checking in again.

I got it.  A really bad case of the Black People’s Blues.  I first heard about Black People’s Blues in a movie or TV show, I can’t remember which.  I must’ve been maybe 13-14 or so.  They said that black people get a different kind of blues than everyone else because we hold so much in.  We hold it all in and when it finally comes out we are ‘blue’ over a whole slew of things. 

I just got done watching The Secret Life of Bees with Queen Latifah, Jennifer Hudson, Alicia Keys and others.  When their sister, May, drowned herself I couldn’t hold back the tears.  Then the tears for the things I’m holding in came out too.  Sooo many things are wrong.  So many that it is a much shorter list just to tell you what’s right.  The only thing that is really good is Tyler.  My baby is smart, happy, loving, cute as can be and just perfect.  Everything else is far, far from perfect. 

I usually try to take some comfort in thinking that it could always be worse but right this moment I can’t even picture handling any more than I already have on my plate.  I think….  if Tyler’s father would just pay child support…. if that SOB of a boss I had hadn’t fired me…. is this punishment for something I did???

Last Sunday Tyler and I witnessed the worse storm I’ve ever seen in my life.  We live in the very small area that felt the full force of what they called a ‘”super cell”. This super cell had our town in shambles for a few days.  The electric went out around 4 pm that Sunday and didn’t come back until around 8 am the following Tuesday.  I used change to buy ice for the refrigerator and freezer.   That Sunday night I read a few chapters in the book of Matthew in the bible by flashlight.  It was so uplifting and encouraging but, at the same time, a bit troubling.  My new worry is that I fear that God will be upset because I must not have enough faith in him if I can’t manage to put my worries and fears away.  I’ll be like the man who sunk into the water after he became afraid and worrisome.  So worried that  I threw up the other day, I believe just because of my nerves. 

This week, on top of all of the normal worries, worrying about all the food going bad, worrying about what to do with Tyler during the power outage, worrying because I now have a warrant for my arrest.  The warrant is because I can’t afford to pay someone to mow the lawn at my house.  They sent me a ticket with a required court date.  In my absent mindedness, I didn’t read the ticket over until I had missed the date.  Now I have a $500 warrant.  The IRS sent me a letter about the money I owe them because I didn’t file my 2006 taxes.  Tyler was only 2 1/2 months old when it was due and I did not have myself together enough to handle everything I needed to handle.  Oh yeah, and just like I suspected, there is something “abnormal” about my blood work so says the letter I received in the mail today.  That means I can’t even be greatful for good health because I don’t have that either. 

Yes, woe is me.  I worry more because of Tyler.  I think that if I were still a single woman without a child, I could choose to work two jobs and live in conditions a child shouldn’t be subjected to.  As it is, I have to find a job whose schedule will allow me to drop Tyler off in the morning and pick him up in the afternoon/early evening.  Very limiting.  His father does nothing and his grandparents all have too much going on in their own lives. 

Woe is me.  No money.  Not enough help.  Mounting problems.  Unsure when any of it will be any better.