Waiting for what… to exhale???

It’s a Saturday night and my son is spending the night with his father and grandparents.  I am supposed to want to go out, or maybe have male company over; just do something besides what I normally do – just sit in the house and watch TV.  I want to want to go out.  I want there to be a man I am excited to see.  This will be about the third time I was free to go out but sat at home instead.  siiiggghhhh.

The last time Tyler was with his dad my grown behind 10 year old neighbor said, I know you’re going out.  I gave her my normal line, I partied and clubbed enough before I had Tyler that I don’t go anymore.  I grew tired of it.  You should make sure you get all of your partying out before you have kids too.  She snickered and said if you’re not going out, snicker snicker, then you must be having somebody come over, snicker snicker.  Grown.  I got mad, defensive, then went inside.  She is right that most people probably would go do something.  Siiiggghhh.  As you see, I still remember that conversation and am trying to use it as motivation to get out and go, at least pick up the phone and call one of two guys that have expressly asked me to call them when I have free time.

On the relationship front and on the career front, I know where I want to be ;  I have the long-term goal set clear as a picture in my mind.  The trouble is, all of the short-term goals that will get me to the long-term goal each seem like monumental tasks.

I have started actively working on the career goals.  I applied to a very reputable college that has an online program.  I have searched a few scholarship databases and now need to start writing essays.  That is do-able.  One step at a time.  I can break that process down into manageable steps.  Finding a man with whom I can imagine having a future with is not such an exact science.  Being at the right place at the right time to cross paths with him.  I want to say that I will leave that to God but I’m sure that God needs me to at least leave the house.  lol.  I’d love it if this wonderful man who I envision as my partner had some reason to know where I live and just come knock on my door!  Maybe I will stop being so hard on myself.  I guess it means I am not really ready yet.  I have been single for about two years now.  I am close to ready but, if I’m ready to be out and about, I’m obviously not 100% ready.

Progress!

Wednesday, November 3rd marks the day that Tyler graduated to a booster seat! I made a big deal of it and he was excited to be strapped into a “big boy chair” by the car’s own seat belt.

Is the Mohawk Making a Come Back???

Single mom here, checking in again.

Last night when Tyler’s dad and grandmom brought him home and Tyler took off his hat, I immediately noticed that he had a new hair cut.  Okaay.  I wanted to be appreciative that his dad took that initiative although I had just cut his hair a few days ago.  I was trying really hard to like it.  At first I thought it was a ‘fade’ gone wrong.  The fade line was waaay to high.  Then, after watching the kid in action for a few minutes and getting to see the back of his head I couldn’t help but to ask, “is that a mohawk????”  Tyler’s grandmom chimed in, you haven’t seen all the kids wearing their hair like that – it’s the new style.  Tyler goes to a huge 600 kid preschool.  I see hundreds of kids reg-u-lar-ly! Without needing to think about it for even a second, I responded “N0000…  it’s a mohawk, right?”  The reason I even asked was because it’s not your normal Mr. T type mohawk.  It starts wider in the front and tapers down to a point in the back.  They responded yes, it’s a mohawk.  Tyler’s grandmom said, “she doesn’t like it”.  My only comment was, “good they took pictures last week”, as I thought about how long it would take to be able to change it back to a normal style.  After a little more thought, once again I was just compelled to ask, “are you thinking that the top should grow out and the sides stay short like that or is it supposed to always be short like that?”  His dad just kinda shrugged his shoulders.  I left it alone after that because I had already determined that it would only take two weeks for it to look normal again!  AND, thank God Tyler likes to wear a hat every day!

Now there is a good part to my three, almost four year old having a mohawk.  I had a job interview today.  There were four people in the room.  Three of the four took turns asking me questions from a sheet of paper they all had a copy of.  The second question was to tell them something about myself that they wouldn’t know based on my application or resume.  I thought about it for a few seconds then told them that I have the most wonderful three, almost four year old son. I went on to tell them that his dad brought him home last night with this mohawk.  They all laughed pretty good at my rendition of this story that ended with, so yes, I have a three, almost four year old with a mohawk.  After first being shocked beyond words that he’d even cut his hair into a style he knew I wouldn’t like, I am now find some humor in it. 

Just in case there were more instances of mohawks popping up at the school, today when I went to pick up Tyler I had a light conversation with the teachers about Tyler’s new do.  They both agreed that there is maybe two other kids with mohawks in the school.  One of the two wears his with lots of gel to make it stand up in spiky pieces.  I knew I was right.  Now, all I need is for Tyler to love it and never stop wanting to “rock a ‘hawk … kinda like people who still wear mullets!  lol. 

The new cut has turned into comic relief!

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Child Support Court

Single Mom here, checking in again. 

It’s now 2:08am and I am still awake watching TV and playing a game of Texas Hold ’em Poker on my cell phone.  I am not always totally in touch with my feelings.  Often times I need to take some time to digest what happened, then analyze what I’m feeling. 

Yesterday, Tyler’s father and I were scheduled to appear in Family Court a.k.a. Child Support Court for an enforcement hearing.  I was there but he didn’t bother to show up.  That has been the story of Tyler’s life…. I’m there and his father is not.  The only thing that I can say to the man’s credit is that, after being totally absent since Tyler’s 2nd birthday, he called and has been seeing Tyler since some time in September.  Either two or three times Tyler has spent the night with him.   One night, not the weekend.  Really sad to have to say that he lives with his mom. 

Without delving too deep into all the things that has pissed me off about that man, elaborating more about all the crappy details of his life, explaining how having such a loser as my sons’ father is, citing the billions of incidents where Tyler and I would be better off if his father did help financially, that he did have a job when I dated him, or exactly how I feel now,  I somehow think that you know just what I mean. 

Other single parents with absent co-parents personally know all the issues we handle alone, least of all the issue of balancing time and money.  Single parents with a co-parent and couples personally feel some of it, but, I am sure that since you know all the things a parent is responsible for, you can imagine if the burden rested solely on your shoulders.  My child is not a burden but worrying about finding a job to make enough money to support us because I probably won’t ever have reliable help,  school clothes, winter coat, boots, a roof over our head, food on the table, keeping the house clean, clothes washed, cable, telephone, gas, electric, a vehicle maintained in good condition, auto insurance, extra curricular activities, stressing education… all of those things add a huge weight to my shoulders.  The weight is so much heavier than when I was single because now my sons’ life depends on it. 

Tuesday night when we were doing our normal routine of reading books before bedtime, Tyler said the most amazingly intuitive thing.  He’s only three but he understands on his level.  At the last pages of the book Goldilocks and the Three Bears where it says that Goldilocks was so scared she ran all the way home, it shows the three bears standing in the living room by their front door.  Flanking the door are family pictures.  Tyler likes to say who is in each picture.  He says that he is Baby Bear.  Of course I am Mama Bear.  But Tuesday night, my intuitive little three year old pointed to Mama Bear and said that’s you, then pointed to Papa bear and told me that was me too. 

in·tu·i·tive  /ɪnˈtuɪtɪv, -ˈtyu-/    [in-too-i-tiv, –tyoo–]   –adjective

1. perceiving by intuition, as a person or the mind.

2. perceived by, resulting from, or involving intuition: intuitive knowledge.

3. having or possessing intuition: an intuitive person.

4. capable of being perceived or known by intuition.

 

in·tu·i·tion  /ˌɪntuˈɪʃən, -tyu-/ [in-too-ish–uhn, -tyoo-]    noun

1.  direct perception of truth, fact, etc., independent of any reasoning process; immediate apprehension.

2.  a fact, truth, etc., perceived in this way.

3.  a keen and quick insight.

4.  the quality or ability of having such direct perception or quick insight.

5. Philosophy .

a. an immediate cognition of an object not inferred or determined by a previous cognition of the same object.

b. any object or truth so discerned.

c. pure, untaught, noninferential knowledge.

6. Linguistics . the ability of the native speaker to make linguistic judgments, as of the grammaticality, ambiguity, equivalence, or nonequivalence of sentences, deriving from the speaker’s native-language competence.

 

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Did you see Misty Croslin’s new look?

Single Mom here, checking in again.

What a difference a year and a half makes!!!  When Haleigh Cummings disappeared in February 2009, Misty Croslin was a skinny little somebody prancing around in tight jeans and belly shirts.  Now, after being in prison since January 20, 2010, her skin is a mess and she gained a lot of weight.  Stress can do that to a person.  When I saw the newest pictures of her it seemed me to be a case of switcheroo.  You know how when you are watching a soap opera and one day when you tune in you hear, ‘the role of such-and-such will now be played by such-and-such’…. I was waiting for those words when I looked at the new Misty!  If the stress of 9 months in jail made her change enough for me to question if that was even the same girl, just think what she’ll look like after she serves the 25 year sentence she already got slapped with PLUS more for her pending charges.

I’d feel sorry for her if only I could believe that she didn’t kill Haleigh, was not an accomplice to Haleigh’s murder, AND has not been withholding pertinent information regarding  Haleigh’s disappearance/murder. 

check out the latest…. Misty Croslin sentenced to 25 years

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• Misty Croslin, last to see Haleigh Cummings, pleads to drug charges (cnn.com)
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Uh ooh…. is my kid colorblind???

There was a scholastic book fair at my son’s preschool.  On Wednesday, September 29th, Back to School Night, I visited the book fair and purchased 4 books.  Doggone Dogs, Too Many Dogs, Goldilocks and The Three Bears, and Naughty Little Monkeys. 

I have been reading him  3-4 of the books every night since then.  He always chooses to start with Doggone Dogs.  I read the title, I read the author’s name, and illustrator.  On one of the beginning pages there is a picture of 5 dogs lined up by height in descending order.  Every night Tyler points to each dog and tells me what color collar they have.  Red, red, red, green, blue.  He points to the blue one and says it’s green.  I tell him, no baby, that one is blue.  Then I correct him when he says the green one is blue.  After a few days of this, I started thinking maybe he’s color blind.  My mom, a former nurse, had previously told me that colorblind people have a hard time distinguishing between blue and green.  I’m getting more and more worried every day he calls blue, green.  I want to tell myself that maybe its just because the collars are small but that conversation with my mom keeps ringing really loudly in my head.  Finally, Friday October 8th, we start our same routine.  I sit on his bed.  He sits in between my legs.  He holds the book and I read.  I read, Doggone Dogs, by Karen Beaumont, pictures by David Catrow.  He turns the page.  We get to the page with the fateful, collared dogs.  Again, just the same as all the other days, he points to the doggies and says red, red, red, then, as I hold my breath and time moved like slow motion, Tyler points to the blue collar and says green.  My heart sunk and, in my mind, I let out a huge disappointed sigh.  I couldn’t say anything.  When time moved again, Tyler pointed to the blue collar again and said green.  I still couldn’t respond.  He turned and gave me a look that let the whole cat out the bag.  He knew that blue collar wasn’t green and was waiting for me to say something before he could move on.  I let out a loud, raucous laugh.  I said, “you know that collar isn’t green”!  He laughed really hard with me.  

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• Medicine: Cure for Color Blindness (time.com)

Spanking??? How do you discipline your kid(s)?

Single Mom here, checking in again.

I will be the first to admit that I have no clue about what I am doing when it comes to raising my son.  Rolling with the punches, taking it as it comes, and playing it by ear have become my favorite sayings.  I know the goal – raising him to be smart, self-confident, well-rounded, and successful.  However, I am taking it by day and just trying to make the best decision I can at each turn in the road.  Of course there’s no handbook and other experienced parents tell me that it is different for each child…. okaaayyy, that’s a lot of help! 

Today, I come downstairs and Tyler is no where in sight.  I go into the kitchen and there he stands on top of a large, upside down bucket with an overfilled cup of milk in front of him and the open milk jug by his side.  Then I notice that the entire counter top is wet including my camera!  I said, “Tyler, what did you do???”  He showed me that he spilled my entire oversized mug of coffee.  Uuuugggh!  Then he said, “I’m sorry mommy”.  Annoyed as I was, I didn’t yell or scream, I didn’t even spank him.  I just told him to get down so I could clean up the mess he had made and to let me help him next time. 

I’m sure that some people’s opinion would be that I should have been more harsh about it.  However, I was totally pleased because he told me the truth.  He didn’t run, hide, and wait for me to notice it later.  He stayed there, told me what happened and apologized for the accident.  That is so important to me.  I know that I will value his honesty even more when he becomes a teenager.  After an incident on Friday night, I realize that some people’s kids start lying at very young ages!  3 and 6 year olds lying???  Whaaattt?  I’d really like to see what happens when those little fibbers turn into big, thinking their grown, ready to date, teenagers.  I hate to even think about when my baby is dating.  In my visions I usually skip the high school and college years, and jump straight to picturing when he’s grown.  I always stay mindful of goal – when he’s in his 20’s, finished college, starting a successful career, happy, respectful, upstanding young man. 

Just the other day, Tyler spilled his juice on the couch while I was upstairs getting his clothes together.  When I came downstairs he was sitting on the couch with a few blankets piled up under him.  He said, “Tyler was bad.”  I asked, “what happened?”  He told me that he spilled his juice.  I asked “Where?”  He shyly responded, “on the couch”.  I simply asked, “was it an accident”.  He said, “yes, I’m sorry”.  I was annoyed but I didn’t yell, scream, or spank him.  His body language told me that he really was sorry and that it was hard for him to tell me, but he admitted it anyway.   For the honesty, for knowing that a 3-year-old is going to spill things from time to time, I simply told him that he had to let me see so I could clean it up.  No spanking, no yelling.

He is a smart child that does not do bad things on purpose.  Yes, there has been times where the 3-year-old has tried to challenge my authority.  He does sometimes think he’s 23 instead of 3.  Other than the normal, teaching a kid their boundaries type things, we don’t have any problems.  He has not had a spanking-free life BUT spanking is not something I do often.  I can usually resolve an issue other ways. 

I am one who considers what stage a child is at and what you can expect of them in each stage.  For example, when he was 2 years old, I knew that the limit for him sitting still was about an hour.  So if the doctor or dentist’s office had us waiting for a long time, I’d take him for a short walk around the waiting room or out to the parking lot.  Long shopping trips are taboo, unless I want to deal with a tired, unruly child.  One mother told me that it is just what you teach them and that her kids ‘knew better’ and were ‘good’ regardless of how long she was out shopping.  Then another mother who saw Tyler and I in the mall with Tyler sprinting 5-6 steps ahead of me told me that 2 of her 4 sons were the “lively type” like Tyler. 

So, once again, it just depends on what works for your kid.  AAANNNDDD… every child is different.  

Is my child spoiled?  There are lots of articles on disciple and spanking.  I know what they think, what do you think?

Related Articles

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• Complaining about a generation of spoiled kids — again (washingtonpost.com)
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Child Abuse… Is there no love?

Single mom here, checking in again.

I like watching The Nancy Grace show, Issues with Jane Velez-Mitchell, The Oprah Winfrey Show among other news/talk shows.  I am always astounded to see another case of people abusing, neglecting, or killing their own kids! 

Theres,

Casey Anthony who allegedly killed her almost 3-year-old daughter.

The case where the mom let her boyfriend duct tape her 1-year-old son to the wall, duct tape the kids’ hands closed, and duct tape a sippy cup above the child’s reach.

The lady who smothered her two toddler sons, then drove the SUV into the river with them strapped in their car seats. 

and the list goes on and on and on. 

Yesterday, I watched the episode of the Oprah show that aired October 6th about Kim Noble, a woman with 20 personalities.  Kim was pretty amazing in the very best way.  I expected something frightening and bone chilling but Kim Noble was a very sweet, demure woman whose mind had found a way to cope with the extreme abuse she had endured as a child.  This episode also talked about Truddi Chase who also had multiple personality disorder.  Truddi Chase had 92 personalities.  Truddi died on March 10, 2010, but not before effecting so many peoples lives.  She was also a sweet woman whose mind compartmentalized her multiple personalities to help her cope with the extreme physical and sexual abuse she had endured as a child.  She is not mentioned on Oprah’s site but I was very impressed  by Erin Merryn.  Erin Merryn was sexually abused twice as a child.  Erin, now only 25 years old, has obtained a Masters Degree, and is leading a crusade to have schools teach about sexual abuse and its prevention just as they teach about fire and fire prevention, and drugs and saying NO to drugs.  Erin’s Law is a bill that passed into Illinios State law this year that requires the state to set up a ‘task force’ to deal with issues surrounding sexual abuse in addition to getting the sexual abuse education into their schools.  Erin said that she will work to get this bill passed across the United States.  I hope she does.  I feel so strongly about that I want to seek out ways that I can help too. 

Each and every child in the world touches my heart.  When I see a child,  my heart just melts at the thought of their innocent little souls.  Why doesn’t everyone feel that way?  When I think of someone hurting these little defenseless souls I just sit and wonder how such evil could have overtaken the abusers’ heart and mind!  We all start out the same – as innocent, defenseless babies.  Some of us somehow turn rotten with no love in our hearts.  Some of us will be victims of the rotten ones. Rotten child abusers… rotten bullies…. just plain ole rotten to the core. 

Where is the love?

Related Articles

• Erin’s Law: When the Abuser Is No Stranger (time.com)
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Image via Wikipedia

More than just play

Single mom here, checking in again.

Tyler has reached a new stage that I am just figuring out.  As a single mom with my first kid, I readily admit that I have no clue what I’m supposed to do.  I figure it out as we go; take it as it comes; roll with the punches!  Well, my baby, whose not so baby like anymore is ready to start writing and I actually have to teach him. lol.  I mean, I, somehow, didn’t realize that writing doesn’t come as naturally as talking or walking. 

Up until now, our arts and crafts time was usually spent painting.  We’d make abstract art.  I originally bought an array of acrylic paint colors just to help teach him his colors.  I even bought canvas paper so his paintings would look good and be sturdy and nice for me to display.  We have even painted our pumpkins with acrylic paint.  I know he remembers painting pumpkins last year because, when he saw the pumpkins, he asked if we were going to put them on our porch. It was a lot of fun and the pumpkins look really good.  A week or so ago we painted pumpkins for this year.  Pumpkin painting will probably become a tradition for us.  We aren’t doing jack-o-lanterns, just painting whatever design we dream up. 

For the last two days, we have pulled out the magic markers.  We colored and wrote.  First I figured out what he needed when he asks, “can you help me?’ in the cutest little voice you’ve ever heard.  He said he wanted to draw Chuck E. Cheese.  I am no artist.  I just drew a circle for his head, two circle ears, dots for eyes, dot nose, squiggly line mouth, and Tyler made us draw in another line for his chin.  It looked nothing like Chuck E. Cheese but he was happy.  After that, he did the circles and drew the mouse without my assistance.  Then we traced capital letters in a dry erase practice book I bought a while ago.  What was sooo great was, the following day, when we sat to draw again, he got the pen and, as he wrote he said up, down, up again and down… M mommy!  My baby could already write a T for Tyler but out off all the other letters we had practiced, he remembered how to write the M for mommy and repeated my instructions exactly! 

It makes me wonder how long ago he could have done that and feel that I should be teaching him more.  I didn’t realize he was ready for it.  This means I can start pushing things beyond colors, shapes, counting, and ABCs.  He counts up to about 20.  He knows the letters but doesn’t usually say them in order.  He loves the computer and is quickly becoming a whiz.  But writing…. I actually have to take his hand and show him the motion to make him know how.  Is that something I should have known and not just getting around to discovering?

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Help Autism Speaks for FREE

Single mom here, checking in again.

Please check out the Autism Speaks SocialVibe widget I added to my blog over in the right hand column. 

I chose Autism Speaks as my charity of choice because of my neighbor, Frankie.  Living next door to Frankie for the last year has heightened my awareness of the issues that autistic children like Frankie face.  What you may not think about are struggles that his mother, Pat, has endured during his lifetime, before and after he was diagnosed autistic when he was three years old.  For over 20 years, she has given up having a life of her own because he needs her so much.  Although I haven’t seen them myself, I can feel Pats’ tears.  From finding out that her son will never reach the heights you and I envision for our children to fighting with educators and neighbors who don’t understand her child to caring for an adult the way others take care of a toddler, I feel her pain. 

This organization needs you and I.  Helping Autism Speaks is FREE!  They don’t ask for money, they just ask that you do activities that usually take less than one minute to complete!  Click the box on the right to help now! 

Your time is appreciated

 Helping Autism Speaks will help all the Frankies and Pats of the world whose pain and challenges are monumental yet are not highly publicized because they mainly take place within the privacy of their own home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

   

 

Related Articles

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• Desperation Drives Parents to Dubious Autism Treatments (preview) (scientificamerican.com)
• British scientists develop scan that diagnoses autism in adults; one for children is next. (psychologytoday.com)